The Pretty Family

Most experiences in the food and bev. industry can be pretty heinous, but every once in a while something comes along that makes you just love your job. There is a family that has come into my place of work every weekend for the past three years. Everything about this family just screams pleasant. The mother and the father are both attractive, polite, and very friendly. They have four of the most beautiful children ever. The kids are very well behaved and just love to talk to whoever will listen, sometimes getting a bit noisy, but in a family that size I don't blame them for wanting a word in wherever they can get one. They never order anything off the wall and don't linger after they finish their meal. To top it all off they are great tippers! They are truely one of the reasons that keep me in this profession.

French Fry Shenanigans

Tale contributed by J.I.M.

A woman absolutely freaked out when her food arrived, simply because she had too many fries on her plate. She said "why do all the restaurants put SO many fries on your plate its rediculous!" She then decided it was a killer idea to go to other tables asking customers if they had too many fries on their plates.

I probably would have just clawed a few off her plate and walked away.

I Know What You Mean..

I think one of the most annoying thing about serving tables are the customers that sit at your table and pretend to know what it's like. These are the people that spent their college years pulling pies, tossing wings, or spinning liquor bottles. I understand that they have an idea of what goes on at a bar or restaurant, but what really gets to me is they have really forgotten all about what it's really like. I had a woman come in with her friends, and really just started off on that wrong foot. She ordered water and whipped out a Crystal Light drink packet from her purse. Ordering water is nothing to be ashamed of, I order just water most of the time (even though I accompany it with some adult beverage), but the fact that she ordered water just so she wouldn't have to pay for a drink. She went on to include a few "if it's possibles" and "would it be ok if I changed this'". As hard as she tried to convince me that she knew all about what it was like, her behavior proved how diluted she really was. Nice try sweet pea, come again when that past bites you on the rear as a reminder.

50% OFF SALE

Working in any section near the bar can be difficult. The bartender always wants the volume of the music turned up beyond normal dining listening. I am a fairly tall guy and usually the customer is either talking into their menu or placing their order to the person sitting across from them, therefore hearing what they say can be difficult. Instead of leaning over their table or sticking my hiney into the aisle, I normally choose to sit next them if a seat is available. I never think anything of it and normally people think its funny anyway. This particular table evidently did not think highly of such behavior. Their meal was fine, they ordered multiple beers, and seemed very satisfied at the end of their dinner. I told them goodnight and went to pick up their check after they had left and written inside on the their check was "50% penalty for sitting next to my wife". Of course I burst into laughter and simply had to share this completely ridiculous scrawl with every staff member as well as a few of my other customers, who also thought it to be a total joke. Oh and trust me the 50% tip he left...well lets just say the 100% wasn't really all the impressive to begin with.

The Wolf

Every city has that one customer that is so well known for their strange behavior that they are given a nickname. This particular customer we have named "The Wolf" is ours. This lady comes into any one of her favorite eating spots and every time throws the staff into fits of laughter. She can eat more than anyone I have ever seen in the five years I have been a part of this industry. Starting with a large dinner salad with a tuna steak as an appetizer, she will then move on to three or four regular appetizers. As her meal continues and her children have their hand-held digital babysitters, she will start to pick on their adult sized meals. After taking in four to five Diet Sodas, she will finally end with maybe three or four desserts. Once she even handed me her credit card to pay out while still eating with the other hand. Here is to you Leader of the Pack!

Sundays

Ever since I got my first job at sixteen, I have despised Sundays. I believe unknown forces are at work every Sunday to make the general public the most despicable beings to walk the earth. On this day the needs and expectations of anyone that walks through those glass doors are greatly heightened. In this post I will share with you the customers of a single Sunday morning shift.

1. The Screeching Lady-
Going about my business as I usually do in the party section of the restaurant, filling drinks, memorizing cocktail orders as I zoom through the tables, on woman decides to send that groove to a screeching halt...literally. She enters the room as I am standing at one of my tables to lean over to hear what my customer has to say, and spots her friends in the corner. Now I am all about the excitement that can occur when you haven't seen a good friend in a long time, but she screeched so loudly with excitement I almost dropped the full pitcher of tea and the stack of dirty dishes I hauled on my forearm. I hope next time she gives a little warning before scaring the bejesus out an entire room.

2. Feeding the Birds-
If you have ever been out to eat somewhere with outside seating, you either have or will soon be encountering that one table who simply cannot keep their food on their own plates. Working near the water you are going to find an assortment of wildlife. One in particular are these annoying little black birds called Grackles. These winged demons get into EVERYTHING from empty tables, sugar caddies, or dust pans. For some reason people feel the urge to see one and toss it a fry. One becomes two, two becomes twenty. I have to tell these folks over and over again to "please do not feed the birds". I unfortunately can only hold my calm please and thank yous for so long before I become annoyed and my tone changes for the worse. This particular customer, an adult mind you, simply could not get the hint. Finally after the fourth "Please do not feed the birds", I lost my temper. I was forced to lean on the table in front of him and say "I am no longer asking you, I'm telling you, DO NOT feed the birds. Because if I get shit on it will become bad days for you real fast."

3. Is it possible?...-
Every once in a while you have that annoyingly polite southern lady that as try as she might to avoid it, will get on your last nerve. This woman could not take what was printed on the menu in front of her and run with it. Everything about the item she chose had to be changed in some way. Seven times she asked me "Is it possible?..." I just kept nodding and nodding and...

4. Extra Change!-
This was a first and hopefully last time I see this. A lady actually ran out of cash to pay me with. I'm grateful she left me a tip at all instead of just leaving me hanging. Only problem was, the tip was $4.00 in quarters! Because my apron simply isn't heavy enough. Who carries that many quarters on their person anyway!?

5. The Shrimp and Grits Hoover-
It was one of those tables where the friends had arrived on time for their lunch date, waited as long as they possibly could, ordered, finished, and finally she arrived. She had grabbed a menu from the hostess as she walked by to beeline to her table. I walked up and said hello. She decided on the Shrimp and Grits. Her food arrived shortly after she ordered and I checked to see how everything came out. I went to the bar to grab another round of cocktails for the table, and when I returned she had finished every last morsel of food in her bowl. I was in shock! I actually stood there flabbergasted for a moment before sitting their drinks down, grabbing the empty bowl and walking away without a word. She must have seen the reaction on my face because a few weeks later she returned with only a "Remember me!?" as a greeting.

6. Hail Ceasar!-
A woman in her mid 40's actually ordered a ceasar salad with seafood on top only to ask me "What type of dressing does that come with?" I paused before I answered to keep myself from bursting into a fit of giggles.

Share your stories!

I want other people who have worked for the food and beverage industry to show how much they appreciate what goes on at the table. Email me with your experiences and I will post them on my Blog! Be sure to include a name (preferably made up) that I can tag to your post. Thanks for your contribution!

Introduction to the Tales

I work in the food and beverage industry. It isn't the most glamorous of jobs, but it can be one of the most entertaining experiences one can ever have. I meet people from all around the world who come to my home of Charleston, SC for vacation, business, or simply to get away. Even though they all have their individual reasons for coming, they all have one thing in common, to venture out into the city and beaches and terrorize the folks that work hard to show them a good time while visiting our coastal town. These people are not alone in their needy ways. Every bar or restaurant has their own barfly locals that come and sit for hours on end just to sit and enjoy the scenery. Any bartender can pick their favorites, and know of those small few that toss out the most obnoxious of requests, which quickly become the bane of each and every bartender that seems to float through the establishment.

Many of the servers, bartenders, managers, and others that work in such establishments will nod their heads as the read my stories. I hope that I can also give those who do not work for the industry a little insight into just what we deal with on a daily basis, and those who do a few laughs along the way.

Please Note: Not all the stories I have to share are bad ones. I do come across a select few customers that I really enjoy to talk with, serve, and entertain.