Sundays

Ever since I got my first job at sixteen, I have despised Sundays. I believe unknown forces are at work every Sunday to make the general public the most despicable beings to walk the earth. On this day the needs and expectations of anyone that walks through those glass doors are greatly heightened. In this post I will share with you the customers of a single Sunday morning shift.

1. The Screeching Lady-
Going about my business as I usually do in the party section of the restaurant, filling drinks, memorizing cocktail orders as I zoom through the tables, on woman decides to send that groove to a screeching halt...literally. She enters the room as I am standing at one of my tables to lean over to hear what my customer has to say, and spots her friends in the corner. Now I am all about the excitement that can occur when you haven't seen a good friend in a long time, but she screeched so loudly with excitement I almost dropped the full pitcher of tea and the stack of dirty dishes I hauled on my forearm. I hope next time she gives a little warning before scaring the bejesus out an entire room.

2. Feeding the Birds-
If you have ever been out to eat somewhere with outside seating, you either have or will soon be encountering that one table who simply cannot keep their food on their own plates. Working near the water you are going to find an assortment of wildlife. One in particular are these annoying little black birds called Grackles. These winged demons get into EVERYTHING from empty tables, sugar caddies, or dust pans. For some reason people feel the urge to see one and toss it a fry. One becomes two, two becomes twenty. I have to tell these folks over and over again to "please do not feed the birds". I unfortunately can only hold my calm please and thank yous for so long before I become annoyed and my tone changes for the worse. This particular customer, an adult mind you, simply could not get the hint. Finally after the fourth "Please do not feed the birds", I lost my temper. I was forced to lean on the table in front of him and say "I am no longer asking you, I'm telling you, DO NOT feed the birds. Because if I get shit on it will become bad days for you real fast."

3. Is it possible?...-
Every once in a while you have that annoyingly polite southern lady that as try as she might to avoid it, will get on your last nerve. This woman could not take what was printed on the menu in front of her and run with it. Everything about the item she chose had to be changed in some way. Seven times she asked me "Is it possible?..." I just kept nodding and nodding and...

4. Extra Change!-
This was a first and hopefully last time I see this. A lady actually ran out of cash to pay me with. I'm grateful she left me a tip at all instead of just leaving me hanging. Only problem was, the tip was $4.00 in quarters! Because my apron simply isn't heavy enough. Who carries that many quarters on their person anyway!?

5. The Shrimp and Grits Hoover-
It was one of those tables where the friends had arrived on time for their lunch date, waited as long as they possibly could, ordered, finished, and finally she arrived. She had grabbed a menu from the hostess as she walked by to beeline to her table. I walked up and said hello. She decided on the Shrimp and Grits. Her food arrived shortly after she ordered and I checked to see how everything came out. I went to the bar to grab another round of cocktails for the table, and when I returned she had finished every last morsel of food in her bowl. I was in shock! I actually stood there flabbergasted for a moment before sitting their drinks down, grabbing the empty bowl and walking away without a word. She must have seen the reaction on my face because a few weeks later she returned with only a "Remember me!?" as a greeting.

6. Hail Ceasar!-
A woman in her mid 40's actually ordered a ceasar salad with seafood on top only to ask me "What type of dressing does that come with?" I paused before I answered to keep myself from bursting into a fit of giggles.